Baby

Salaam Ramadhan. Hi!

Hubby is off to work so I have plenty of times at home doing nothing, because when he's around mesti berebut computer nak main game. But when he wasn't around, I don't have the feeling to play computer games pun. Saje dengki... Jadi, update blog lah.

Btw, still remember when I mentioned about Kak Ja's pregnancy? It was a very good news to our big family. Everyone was excited about the coming baby and can't wait for the most awaiting moments next year, Insyaallah in late April or early May kot? Now, most probably she's entering her first month and first week of first trimester already. Haven't got the chance to usap her belly yet. But it's ok. I pray for your good health Kak Ja. Don't u worry, ok. It's funny when people (relatives) were so excited when talking about Kak Ja's pregnancy and whenever they saw me around, they would make faces yg ckp yes you are not pregnant yet and nothing is wrong with it. Muda lagi kan. Ye lah, nak jaga hati orang ni yg belum pregnant lagi. Thank you. But I was really on my nerves with some people who are mostly not so closed friends yang keep asking dah ngandung ke belum? Yes, you may see me smiling when we were talking about this thing, but deep inside my heart sgt sedih. Do you really care about me? I don't think so. I don't care about you too. duhh.. tau lah kami nak buat anak, but for the time being let us enjoy married life puas-puas dulu. No, we are not planning for baby tapi kalau rezeki lambat sikit nak buat mcm mana kan? Jangan risau, Biodex kan ada. hehehe

I felt relieved when hubby said that we don't need to rush about this baby things, but I knew somehow he was a bit disappointed when my menstrual came. Usually, before time of the month came, he would usap my belly and acting like he's talking to our unborn baby but when my period came, he didn't do it anymore. I am not saying that he's being mean but when we put high hopes and later it didn't turn out like what we wanted, mesti sgt sedih.

Last week, we received another great news about his twin bro, Kimi and his wife Ika. Ika is 4 weeks pregnant! It was around midnight when Kimi sms us asking whether we were still awake or not. 5 minutes later, he called and broke the news! They just did home pregnancy test and it showed double line on the stick. Although they said it's still uncertain but they were really excited and can't wait to tell us. Ika had her loya-loya for weeks and her menstrual didn't come. So Yeah, she is pregnant. Yeay! Coincidentally, they got married a week before us and we frequently updating latest news about our lives. Kimi said we'll be his child's godparents. haha. We were really happy for them but when I looked to Kiman's eyes I know that he wanted to have a baby too. Having a twin brother made it harder for him because he can't have what the other half is having at the moment. Memang itu semua di tangan Allah, but I can see his face yg mmg sgt mengharap. He wanted to have a baby very badly.

After the phone call, he looked at me and said it's ok sayang, belum rezeki kita lagi. Kita kahwin pun belum masuk tiga bulan pun lagi. Those words made me really sad and touched. That night I slept with tears in my eyes.

Before this, when we saw babies we said they were cute and lovely. But now, whenever we see couples carrying babies with them we want to have our own child.

In times like this, Kiman and I are not that depressed and desperate to have a baby but it would be much appreciated if people around us didn't ask about baby. Especially when two other couples in our family who got married within the same time like ours are pregnant and currently we aren't, so pls stop asking and comparing. What if you guys are in our shoes? Selain senyum pahit, apa lagi ek boleh buat? Everyone wants to have their own children right? Who doesn't? Orang bodoh je buang anak.

Insyaallah, there's a hidden hikmah(s) behind all these. The time will come and if we are pregnant now, how can I help my sister when she's in her pantang days nanti kan? :)

Oh, I'm relieved now. Yes, it is true that by writing, it helps you to feel calmer.

Kelakar pulak bila ingat Kiman said, raya ni get ready jelah dgn soalan cepumas Ok. hmmm...

p/s: utk mudah hamil kena makan banyak ikan. Fish and chips jom!